Swarnavo's bewitching den

Charles Bukowski once said-"Find what you love and let it kill you".And what if I tell you that for some people like me Loneliness is the drug that we love and let us be killed in its psychedelic existential trip.No,here I am not confusing loneliness with solitude,I am precisely speaking of the real monster which lurks in our darkest dreams and yet that is what we get seduced upon when we learn to be sadistic about very basic things.Loneliness and pain had always been like a constant friend to me who never betrays me ever,sometimes I feel that Tagore's 'Ekla cholo re' would have been greatly personified keeping a future me in context-ofcourse leaving the motivational aspects of the song trimmed from it.Okay I get it,the tone of my writing through the blogs are getting darker and gloomier but I cant help it.No this is not for the case that I am dying to get attention for my self serving idiosyncratic greyscale emotions but it is just that I have been extremely lus...

  I have been randomly procrastinating for a while along with a sense of void in terms of existential crisis.A shallow numbness has dawned on me which can neither be termed as sadness or any type of extreme hollow emotion that can be described as the state that I am going through.My subconscious is constantly nagging me to do some work yet my conscious mind is continuously on a rampage to over philosophize life and trying to make a sense of my personality and existence.As per numerology my life path number represents the number 7 and the challenge of 7 in this life continues to be a struggle to balance his introvert dreamy nature of isolation and spirituality to his extrovert nature of random curiosity and meeting new people.Basically the problem arises when the curse of choice dawns over and I suffer from the anxiety of realization whether I am missing out on the other choice or not.This has made me to come to the conclusion that this pursuit of balance rather be it from the per...

It has been a while I have been pondering upon the idea of Subjective and Objective reality mainly due to the chaosness that is hitting upon the different corners of my brain.Subjectivity basically is the realm of emotions,our self,our made up stories,our conclusions,our ambitions and yet other ambigious yet very personal manifestations that we hold to our ownself to identify the person that we call as the 'I'.Moreover the Objective reality is the crude,brutal,raw reality that is situated outside the sense of 'I' that includes from the people we know,to the families we dwell upon,the names we possess,the nationality we held etc.Most of the times thundering strikes when both of these are in horns with each other in our brain.The subjective reality is like the innocent,yet mischievous, dreamy child that creates its own saga ,emotions and paints the world using the crayons that he himself has accumulated from his thoughts.Moreover the Objective reality is the strict pare...

Have you ever wondered why the extreme hollowness you feel over the loose ends of the situations which you really want to leave behind and move forward yet the pain had become so familiar that it gets extremely uncomfortable to leave the hands to explore new pastures?That is precisely what gets me intrigued about life in general and in the situations that I am residing nowadays.Though a sense of uncertainty about most of the things is pretty scary to handle yet the butterflies that irks me to step onto the meadows of exploration is too seductive to thrive in fear.I have always been too philosophic,sometimes impractical,lazy and yet contempletuous about the various pain and incidents that life throws to us and how a tiny lesson is cutely wrapped inside its wrapper .Steve Jobs had very well said that life cannot be understood moving forward ,the story can only be created only when we look back and connect the dots.Having done many mistakes,handled extreme pain,been impractical at times,l...